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Updated: Oct 23, 2023

woman with a finger resting on her chin wondering

What if I told you that you don't need self-improvement? Like, NOT ONE JOT.

Er... what?

Yup. Not needed. You're all done with self-improvement.

Bu... b-b-bu...

I KNOW - ridiculous, right? Because there's so much about you that needs improving! How could you possibly think of giving up on self-improvement, when there's so much to do?

For a start, your diet is pretty poor. I mean, it's better than it was, but it still isn't what it should be, is it?

And you and I both know that you need to do more to get fit and healthy - you can't just sit on your arse you know - you can see it in your body.

And your home is a state - you still haven't cleared that pile of crap that's been piling up for months.

And your business is flagging. It's too hard, so you're just letting it all dwindle - maybe you're not even meant to be in business.

And let's not even get started on your relationships...

Or your mental health...

Or that meditation practice...

Or how badly you parent...

Ok. I'm stopping now. And I'm sorry.

But from years of experience, I know this is what's going on in most of my clients' heads - pretty much all. the. time. Exhausting.

And if I told you to quit, like right now, I bet you'd instantly think of a million things that you cannot accept about yourself - and have to change before you can. That's what it's really about - it's not about self-improvement, it's about self-rejection.

This commercial society has been built and designed around making you feel 'less than' - this is especially true for women, BIPOC, disabled people and the LGBTQIA+ community.

If you're fundamentally lacking, then you can be sold to - you can be sold the solution. A cream, a pill, a tight piece of spandex, a foolproof method, a diet, a new phone. The self-improvement industry is absolutely a part of that system.

This is why I tell my clients that they're done with self-improvement.

I don't get my clients to focus on that. We focus on self-acceptance. Then - and only hen, can we look at self-development. Self-improvement comes from a place of lack.

We focus on airing out the closets of your mind - things you've been hanging on to that make you feel shame, guilt and fear. Once those things are exposed to the light, you discover that they're just normal.

You're 'normal', in your own weird, wonderful and unique way. (No, there's no such thing as normal!) And yes, I'm including your bitchiness, your awful, beautiful body, your mean thoughts, your negativity, your ignorance.

Every single part of you is valued and utterly loveable.

Every single part of you is exactly as it should be - AND - it is changing and changeable too.

Self-acceptance doesn't mean settling, or staying where you are. It doesn't mean giving up. It means loving yourself exactly as you are today, without having to change one cell of your being. AND, at the same time, wanting more for yourself.

More ease, more fun, more money, more joy, more love.

In other words - when self-improvement is motivated by a deep sense of personal inadequacy, then you will never ever 'get there'. You'll never be satisfied and it will feel like endless work.

When it's motivated by a deep appreciation of who you are and all you can have, then that same journey feels like endless discovery and expansion.

Are you getting this?

I have absolutely been guilty of slogging away at self-improvement, not realising that it was motivated by that old devil - 'I'm not enough as I am'. Have you?

Then let me invite you to STOP - TODAY. It's time.

Instead, I invite you to bask for a while. To listen to your favourite tunes. To take a walk. To paint something. To sing in the bath. I invite you to waste time for a bit. I know- it'll bring up a lot of resistance! But try it. For me. For a day. Let yourself off the hook. Watch what happens!

And let me know how you go.

Big love,

Sophie x

P.S. if you're sick of self-improvement with no tangible results, then let's chat about it! Maybe we need to start with some self-acceptance first, what do you think?

Book a free, no-obligation 30-min Zoom chat with me HERE and let's get you back to you.


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