Have you been trying to get past the way you're feeling, but it keeps coming back, no matter how 'positive' you are?
There may be a reason for that.
I believe that being told to 'be positive' is about as useful as being told to calm down - or smile.
Personally, it has the opposite effect on me - it makes me feel more negative, wound up or grumpy.
Not just because I don't like being told how to feel (who does?).
Not just because it highlights and draws attention to negativity - which creates more negativity.
But because it's skipping an important step - the feeling.
We're told that we should feel our feelings - but we're also told to be positive and feel good. So which is it? Confused?
I'm not surprised!
The wellbeing industry has a lot to answer for. Real, emotional inner work can be messy and difficult, and that's a hard sell. So it gets packaged up as pink positivity - YAY!
'Be positive' just isn't enough - here's why.
Many people use positivity as a way to avoid feeling bad. And while some Law of Attraction texts will tell you that's entirely the point - they too are missing an important step.
Telling someone who is in genuine pain to just be positive is deeply unhelpful - this is what I call toxic positivity, and it comes from fear.
Now, to be clear, I'm not here to poop on positivity. A positive attitude is absolutely crucial - without it, you'll keep cycling through the same painful experiences on repeat.
But to be truly useful, it must be paired with other ingredients, like courage, compassion, acceptance and love.
We must be courageous enough to feel all our feelings - not just the pretty ones - that's the only way to truly move past them and into a place of genuine peace.
We must be compassionate enough to accept ourselves in all our technicolour glory - that means loving yourself when you feel elated, loving and generous AND when you feel vengeful, bitchy and angry.
These are all part of the vast range of human emotions - part of YOU. And you are loved and utterly loveable no matter what. Allow yourself to feel that too.
And when you can accept that you feel whatever you feel, an amazing thing happens - it releases. It softens, moves and lightens.
You see, it's the struggle to resist the feeling that causes the pain - not the feeling itself.
If you try to keep your unpretty emotions locked inside, they'll leak out anyway - in irritation, digestive issues, poor sleep, and in the long term - depression.
BUT - allowing yourself to feel your 'negative' emotions - and loving yourself while you do it - will mean they are much less powerful and much shorter lived.
Here's the beautiful truth about this way of working with positivity - you can be positive WHILE you feel bad. You can know that it's ok to feel bad, and love yourself through it.
This is true positivity - deeply compassionate, and MUCH easier on the nervous system!
What do you think? Does this resonate with you?
Talk to me!
P.S. It takes courage, compassion AND loving support.
Book a free chat with me HERE, and I'll tell you how I can help you with the heavy lifting.