Are you supposed to talk about your problems - or does complaining about them create more of the same negativity?
No one likes a moaner, right? But - everyone likes to moan - just a bit. It's alright, you can admit it!
It's confusing - and the wellbeing industry doesn't exactly help clear it up, either.
Some Law of Attraction speakers could have you thinking that you should never mention or complain about your problems, because you'll create more of them.
On the other hand, traditional therapists recommend talking through your issues fully, until you understand them thoroughly - which could take months - or even years.
So which one is right? 'A problem shared is a problem halved' - or 'misery loves company'? As usual, I fall somewhere in between these two paradigms.
I believe it's very important to talk through your stuff - just as it's very important to feel and express your feelings.
I also believe that, whether you realise it or not, you are probably talking non-stop about your problems anyway - in your head.
So what's the point in talking about it even more?
There is only one point: if talking about it helps you to release it. That is it.
I know it sounds simple. In practice, we're often not conscious of why we're talking about our stuff, we just fall into moaning without thinking, which, yes, creates more of the same.
So how can you choose? To talk or not to talk??? Before your next rant, ask yourself:
1. Who are you talking to?
Are you talking to a trusted friend (a loving truth-teller, NOT someone who just tells you what you want to hear)? Or are you joining the neighbours in a good moan?
Are you dumping on your partner/parent/loved one for the tenth time this month, or are you seeking guidance from someone who can actually help?
Choosing who you share your problems with is probably the most important part of this process.
Talking to your friends and family might give temporary relief, but it's not usually going to help you in the long run.
A good therapist and coach will help to guide you through your issues in a supportive way - holding a non-judgemental space for you to have whatever feelings you might have about it, and guiding you towards the positive difference you've been craving.
2. Why are you talking?
Have you accidentally slipped into mindless complaining? Don't worry, we all do it! But if so, stop it as soon as you realise.
Remember that the only point in talking about your stuff is if it helps you to release it - so a conscious decision to attempt to resolve or release your issue is important before you start.
And of course, if you've made that decision, you'll automatically choose the right person to do that with - see point 1.
3. Are you listening?
Be open to learning - open to hearing something you might not necessarily like - open to ideas that challenge what you previously thought. This requires courage and a ton of self-compassion. It usually requires support. See point 1 again!
And after all that - remember that talking about your stuff is useful to satisfy the mind. But ultimately, you can't think your feelings - you gotta feel them.
Maybe you'll understand your stuff more, maybe you won't. You'll still have to feel what you feel. And then it can be released.
All of this takes bravery - and I know you can do it by yourself, but I promise you it's SO much easier - and quicker - with help. Just ask.
I'm here for you when you're ready to stop complaining and start releasing.
P.S. I've been receiving some absolutely gorgeous reviews recently - it gives me such a thrill to see how my clients have turned their lives around - you're all rock stars and I couldn't be happier for you!
If you'd like to read the reviews or write one of your own - you can do so HERE.