What you resist persists - have you heard this saying? Do you know what it means?
It's a quote from psychiatrist Carl Jung, and it means that the more you try to resist something, the more you draw it to you. This is because what you resist is often charged with strong emotion.
It's a bit of a paradox - you try and push it away, and instead, you end up pulling it towards you. The energy you give to it makes it loom larger in your awareness.
Remember that denial is not just a river in Egypt (wa wa waaa...) - it's something that requires effort and energy. It requires your attention.
The more you try NOT to think about something, the harder it becomes. Try not to picture a lion in a tutu. Tricky, right?
This happens when you try and distract yourself from your negative emotions by forcing yourself to think positively. You tell yourself you shouldn't be feeling like this, or you should have got over it by now.
And what happens? You find that those negative emotions keep popping up again and again like a bad smell - and lingering for far longer than you want.
It also happens when you get wound up about something that's out of your control - like someone else's bad behaviour. You resist facing the reality of who that person is. Instead, you torture yourself by trying to get them to behave differently - when you know that they're not going to.
You might resist taking positive actions that would improve your health and wellbeing - like leaving a bad relationship, or eating better, or keeping up with your physio exercises, or applying for a job you know you'd love.
And because you resist - the unwanted situation persists.
The more you try to resist:
your feelings
doing something you know you're going to have to do at some point
the reality of what IS
The more you torture yourself unnecessarily. You make yourself miserable and waste so much energy - energy that could be put to positive use.
So what's the answer? It's deceptively simple - acceptance.
Instead of putting all that energy into resisting and denying, I invite you to put your hands up and just accept. Just decide, right now, that you accept things as they really are - not how you wish they were.
Acceptance is freedom.
And OH, what freedom. When you finally give up the fight, there is a phenomenal release of energy. WHAT a relief.
You can simply feel what you feel - even if it's not a nice feeling. It'll pass. And it passes a LOT quicker using this method than the one you've been using.
Just stay with it for a minute, without resisting, and you'll see it pass, like clouds pass. Like bad weather - it moves on.
And when you decide to accept someone for who they really are (not who you wish they'd be, or how you wish they'd behave), you're then free to stay or walk away.
You free up all the energy required to make that clear-headed decision.
It is what it is. You can't hold back the tide - and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to.
Sound simple? I know it's not - but it also kind of is. As always, it's a choice - you get to choose!
Biggest of big loves to you,
P.S. To help you come into a place of acceptance, try THIS MEDITATION
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