ARE YOU SHOULDING ALL OVER YOURSELF?

Have you been 'shoulding' all over yourself, my love?

I'm not a fan of imperatives: 'you have to', or 'you must not ever', or 'you must always'.

I'm not really talking about the laws of the land - generally speaking, I'm a law-abider (as long as you don't look at my speedometer, ahem).

I'm talking about all the laws and rules you set for yourself - the ones handed to you by society, your parents, and other adults - that you've since internalised and made your own.

These are the rules that whisper in your ear that it's not ok to sit down and rest, because there's too much to do, and you should get on with it.

They tell you that you have to be nice to someone who is pushing your boundaries.

They tell you that you must choose the healthy salad, even though you're craving a burger.

Many of these rules originated outside of yourself, and they take no account of whether it's right for you at this moment.

And most of them result in guilt or shame if they're not met, or misery if you force yourself, against your true needs, to meet them - and that's the real problem.

I'm not saying all rules are bad or wrong - but they should (see what I did there?) be situation-specific, rather than a blanket rule you impose on yourself.

Rules can be guidelines, compassionately set, with consideration of your whole self. They can take into account your holistic needs - not just what society (or your partner/mum/best mate) says you're supposed to do.

You get to check in with yourself and see if it's right for you. To truly consider your needs, both in the short and the long term. 

Maybe you'll do the thing, maybe you won't. No guilt, no shame, no judgement. 

So this doesn't mean that you can be a couch potato forever, because you don't have to exercise.

It simply means that you take a wider, more compassionate view about what kind of exercise you do; when, how much, and yes, if any at all. 

Instead of forcing yourself to the bottom of your to-do list, even though you're exhausted, you can choose which things are the most important, and postpone the rest.

You get to add yourself to that list - to add rest and recuperation, or god forbid, FUN.

You get to do whatever's right for you right now. Doesn't that feel better?

Big love,

P.S. Check out THIS podcast episode about rules - and breaking them!

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