WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS PROBLEM?

One of the biggest reasons that we get stuck on the same old issue, is that we've never really considered what life might be like without it.

If that sounds counterintuitive, it's probably because you've spent a lot of time wishing and hoping that it would just piss off and leave you alone.

You've probably tried lots of different approaches to try and make it piss off and leave you alone.

But it keeps coming back and tripping you up, no matter what you try. And you end up in the same old argument with your partner, or putting the weight back on again, or getting burned out again again a-bloody-gain.

When does it end?

Can we agree that the approach you've been using up till now isn't working? Let's try something else.

Till now, all your energy and attention has been on the problem. And you know what I'm going to say: "Energy flows where attention goes."

You are getting more and more of what you don't want. And it's not your fault - most problem-solving techniques start with focusing on what's wrong.

And when it comes to long-term issues like chronic pain or illness, anxiety, depression, relationship and self-esteem issues, it can be incredibly hard to imagine yourself without your problem.

And that is the actual problem. That's the thing that keeps you stuck, returning to your status quo over and over again, no matter what changes you try to put in place.

Your problem isn't just a thing you deal with - it's become part of you - your identity. You've been living with this issue for so long that it's become who you are. And that sucks.

Instead, to break this cycle, ask yourself: "Who would I be without this problem?". And ask it deeply, not just as a passing thought. 

First, consider the downsides - because your subconscious mind is doing that already, and it's trying to keep you safe from negative consequences by making sure you don't change a thing.

For example - if you have been unwell for a long time, then getting well might mean the removal of certain kinds of support. It might mean more financial hardship, or that you might be expected to do more, and therefore risk getting ill and tired again.

Potentially big consequences. Maybe even enough not to risk trying to improve your life.

If you've been in the same argument with your partner for a long time, and it was suddenly solved, might you then be faced with an uncomfortable feeling that perhaps this isn't the right person for you after all?

Yikes. Now you have to deal with that.

Once you've looked at the downside of getting what you want, you reassure your subconscious mind that you can deal with the consequences, no matter what - AND they're a price worth paying for more happiness and freedom.

Then it's the fun part: visualising your future self without the issue.

Sit down with pen and paper - or with magazine pictures, scissors and glue, if you're feeling creative. And don't worry if you're not, there is no one perfect way to do this, it just needs to get done. 

You can sit and close your eyes and let images come to your mind - or if you're not visual, you can listen to inspiring music and let it guide you. 

Imagine what it will feel like in your body; the things you'll be able to do that you've missed. The sensations and emotions you'll experience in your heart and mind, as well as in your muscles.

Flesh out that answer in as much detail as possible, and use all your senses to make it as vivid and real as possible. What will it smell like? Taste like? Sound like?

Why is this so helpful? Does it really make any difference?

This is a neuroimaging technique called Future Pacing, and yes, it makes a big difference. 

It's a technique used by top-level athletes to rehearse winning their event, before they even start competing, and it is incredibly effective.

The brain makes no distinction between what is imagined and what is actually happening in real life. The same neurons are fired, producing the same physical effects - heart rate and breathing change, hormones are released, and muscles and tendons are activated. 

Your body learns what it's like to be you, but without your issue. And from that moment on, it is a real, lived experience. A genuine memory.

And since the brain likes what is familiar and what it already knows, it naturally steers you towards that genuine experience.

And the more you do it, the easier and more organic it becomes. Effortless. 

You don't have to try and make things happen, they just sort of fall into place, naturally.

Moving forward is not just about challenging your identity - although that's already a lot! It's also about looking at unacknowledged fears, stuck beliefs, and resistance to the unknown, which can be huge. 

This technique allows for all those aspects of your issue to be tended to with compassion.

Remember, we're not into mindless positivity here - if you've got worries, let's look at them first, THEN get to imagining the happy alternative.

And after that, it's living what you've imagined. Which is pretty fucking great, to be honest. Fancy a go?

Big love,

Sophie x

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