Have you ever felt that you could be wildly successful and happy if it wasn't for your !#@+%^# mind??
You could be earning 6 figures, but your mind says 'Don't be ridiculous.'
You could be happy in your skin, but your mind tells you 'Not yet - not till you've changed yourself.'
You could be in a loving relationship, but your mind tells you 'Not for people like you'.
Why would your mind be such a di*k to you?
You might feel as if you're in a war with your own thoughts, and you should just block them out and ignore them. Yeah, good luck with that!
Here's a comforting (if confusing) truth - your mind actually loves you. Promise.
Your mind has one job, and one job only - to keep you safe and happy. And it will do that by whatever means - fair or foul.
But how can this be true? If it wants me safe and happy, why does it say such awful things to me and make me feel useless?
Because it's very young. Your mind is like a 6-year-old in charge of a 757 aeroplane. It's ok on autopilot most of the time, and good at video games, so you get by.
But a stressed-out or traumatised mind is like a 6-year-old trying to land a plane while the pilots are having a fistfight in the cockpit and the wings are burning.
You hit every button wildly, until something works. Let's say there's a button that stops all the warning sirens temporarily - well that feels better. But it's not a permanent solution.
That plane is still in trouble, you just made it less noisy and frightening.
Your young, subconscious mind is used to coming up with quick, short-term solutions to problems, some of which are great and work well - and some less so.
'Don't touch hot pans because they hurt', is a good rule.
'Don't have relationships, because they hurt', is obviously not great.
This is the real reason your mind is being a di*k to you - it's doing its best.
So it's up to you, the adult you, to upgrade your software. To evolve your thinking - to come up with better solutions that make you feel like the awesome human you actually are.
Here are the two best ways to deal with dickish thoughts:
Tell them to fu*k off. Seriously.
Now - this is not my favourite method - but to begin with, it can be very effective. You'll want to move on to the second method as soon as you can.
Until then, recognise that these dickish thoughts:
are unhelpful and untrue
didn't originate with you
Don't try to ignore your thoughts - actively listen out for criticisms or negativity.
When you hear them, imagine them being said by someone you really dislike. A former US president, a school bully - or even a little monster figure you create in your mind.
Easy to disagree with, right? Easy to dismiss with a middle-finger salute.
You'll need to love it. In the long term, this is really the only solution.
I know it sounds illogical - I don't care. Love it anyway. Honestly, it's the only really effective way to deal with it.
Ask it questions like "It's ok - what are you afraid of?". Talk to it in soothing tones - reassure it that it's done an amazing job, and you're safe.
But encourage it to be brave and bold, because adult you knows how amazing it will feel when it finally steps out onto the stage.
Talk to your mind the way you would talk to any frightened child - be loving and persuasive. Don't reject yourself.
Eventually, that scared, hurt part of you will get the message that it's ok to be scared or hurt, and that acting out isn't a solution.
It will understand that there are better wayas to deal with difficut emotions.
It will keep you safe - and still let you enjoy your life to the fullest. Don't let yourself settle - you're meant for so much more!
Sound doable? Try it out and let me know how you get on!
P.S. This is a big topic, and I've just scratched the surface here.
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Find out how to be more self-loving HERE.
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