"Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you can not bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain."
― Kahlil Gibran
I'm a fan of self-exploration - I like to understand myself better. It helps me navigate an often bewildering world.
BUT - most self-exploration takes place in the mind - and you can't think your way out of feelings, you have to feel those fu*kers.
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings fully is also the way to release them fully.
Oh love, I WISH there was a shortcut, but there ain't!
What I notice time and again with my clients (and with myself), is a desperate attempt to avoid feeling - to skip over that part and get straight to understanding, or (shiver) positive thinking.
All of this takes place in the mind - feelings take place in the body. You cannot skip this feeling step!
The irony is, that when you avoid feeling your feelings, they grow in intensity. Behind the scenes, they turn into huge, ugly monsters that you wouldn't want to face on your bravest day!
And sadly, they last longer and longer - they endure, sometimes for years.
However, if you allow yourself to feel your feelings, and let them pass like bad weather passes, they might be no more offensive than a bad fart.
They become temporary and passing.
When you don't allow yourself to feel your feelings, it looks like this:
Notice an unwanted feeling
Try to understand where it comes from - maybe assign blame
Decide not to feel that
Avoid it (keep busy, scroll phone, Pollyanna positive thinking)
Numb it (food, alcohol, overexercising, screentime)
You get your head stuck up your own butthole trying to work out why you feel this way, or you Pollyanna your way out of it (it's all FINE, said through gritted teeth), or you numb it.
In fact, all of these are avoidance tactics.
Fear of feeling is what keeps us from feeling.
We'll do anything to avoid feeling how we feel because we think that we'll be overwhelmed - "If I allowed myself to feel angry, I'd never stop".
Or we judge it as being inappropriate - "I've got no right to be sad, other people have it way worse than me." Or "If I was a good person, I'd be more positive, and I wouldn't feel like this."
Does this resonate?
We think that if we ignore the feeling, it'll pass, or eventually go away. Nope!
That feeling will keep coming back - and back and back - until it gets heard. It's got messages for you!
BUT - if you allow your feelings - all of them - it can look like this:
Notice an unwanted feeling
Find a comfortable moment to feel it in its entirety, without trying to understand it, explain it, judge it or rationalise it
Breathe and allow it to have full sway
Love yourself for having the feeling - whatever it is
Notice what it feels like in your body
Gradually allow it to pass
I've made a video to guide you through this process HERE. (it may have ads in it; I'm afraid I have no control over this, but I'm working on an audio to replace it!)
In a nutshell - if you avoid your feelings, they'll hang around for much longer and keep you from feeling happy.
If you allow your feelings, they'll pass 100 x times quicker.
Once you nail this, then you can be truly positive, knowing that you're in total self-acceptance of ALL that you are - the fear, the joy, the anger and the love.
ALL emotions are part of the human experience. They're all a part of you, and they're all allowed.
What do you think? Try it for yourself and let me know how you get on!
P.S. This self-work can be tough, and it's a shitload harder when you try and do it all by yourself (why do we do this?!)
Get some cheerleading, loving support, and be where you want to be in half the time.
Book your free 30-min session HERE.
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